Strange Things

The TRUE Story of the Three Little Pigs

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 22:53

I swear I had nothing to do with this. My daughter likes to make her little books. Usually they involve princesses and the like. This one's different. I stumbled upon it last night while picking up some papers the kids had left around the house.

I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves..

(More)

Culture Shock

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:47

More background on me, the family and our trip to Russia and a story about how we were attacked by rabid fish can be found here.

***

To say things were a bit different in Russia than they were back at home in Jersey would be a gross understatement. Even the city we were in was unlike anything I'd seen back home. It was clean. Even when we were in Moscow, the subways were not only gorgeous-- think marble, gold plating, etc.-- they were spotlessly clean. They looked more like museums than public transport stations.

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Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:46

It was the summer just before my senior year in high school. I was 16. I figured that I had a nice long summer of doing nothing and hanging at friends' houses doing nothing. This didn't bother me as much this year because some of my friends now had licenses and cars. That meant roadtrips.

(More)

A Stork of Genius

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:44

My mother-- like many other mothers, I'm sure-- is rather fond of watching Lifetime movies. She has somehow wrangled my daughter into watching them. The problem with this-- besides the whole watching Lifetime movies thing-- is that my daughter has the attention span of a golden retriever on crack. She spends most of the movie asking questions about what she just talked over, not realizing that no one else heard a damn thing over her yammering. This has lead to the rule "Mouth shut, ears open". I should mention that my daughter isn't a follower of rules.

(More)

Christina Ricci

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:40

Intrigue! Horror!

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:39

Yesterday..

Me: Is it just me or do you find the whole Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise pairing disturbing and awkward?
J: ...
J: no way
Me: You haven't seen them?! They're everywhere!!
J: i've been in meetings!
Me: Watching them kiss is about as exciting as licking the sidewalk.

(More)

Yet Another Meme

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:35

Stole this meme from Ms.Q.

1) My uncle once: taught me how to swim in a baptism gone wrong. Ok, not really. He threw me into the pool and was shocked that my skinny little body went through the hole in the inner tube. But I did learn to swim that day.

2) Never in my life: have I ever liked bananas.

(More)

Guess Who?

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:34

The kids are playing Guess Who? and The Girl keeps winning. This is not going well with The Boy. Not at all. He hates to lose. The Girl was trying to comfort him with...

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Picture-y Goodness

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:30

A lame cop-out, I know. But I'm tired, people! I've got kids home for spring break. I'm running myself ragged trying to wear them out. So, in lieu of an actual post, you can stare at my cat. And the humiliating pictures I take of him.

(More)

Silent Protest(s)

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:11

Last night...

Me: "Mom?"

Mom: "Yeah?"

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Huh? Wha?

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:10

The Boy and The Girl have been playing pen pals with my mom's boss. My mom's boss is an old friend of the family. I've known him since I was their age, so he's especially excited about me having kids. The Girl was reading us his latest letter when we had this misunderstanding...

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Despair

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:09

Night and Day

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:08

My kids. I joke about how if you mushed them together, you'd get me. They're undeniably my kids, they have a lot of my odd traits. But what traits of mine they have inherited are amplified and slightly distorted. It's like holding a magnifying glass up to various parts of me. It's a truly bizarre experience for a parent to notice these things.

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Just Ducky!

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:03

Yesterday, to get out of my funk, I decided to wrangle the basement into some semblance of order. We got rid of all of the toys the kids no longer play with, separating the unbroken from broken to be sent off to Goodwill or Salvation Army.

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Desire

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:01

Kate Hepburn

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:59

Destruction

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:58

Delirium

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:57

Dream

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:56

Smiling Death

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:55

Death

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:54

Jenny Lewis

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:53

Bjork

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:52

The Audreys

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:49

Vector-y Goodness

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:45

My first two vector drawings..

Yes, eyes. What else were you expecting?

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Another Meme

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:42

Ten things I have done that you probably have not:

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Conversations with My Mother

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:38

Me: "Mom? Remember when I was little and nothing was child-proofed? How the playground was rife with metal, rust and sharp, pointy objects?"

(More)

She's a BIG Lady!

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:36

My daughter's version of London Bridge:

All the branches falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
All the branches falling down,
My god, lady!

I think I like it better than the original. It's certainly funnier.

Bloody Easter Eggs

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:33

I hate Cadbury creme eggs.

(More)

Kids and Clothes

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:31

From the moment my kids could point, they wanted to pick out their own clothes.

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Disclaimer

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:27

I feel like I need to put this here. If you don't know me personally, don't assume you know me by what you read. Being a "writer", I take certain liberties. I distort, manipulate, tweak. Basically, I lie a bit to make things more amusing. I do not write conversations word for word unless I specifically say so. I do not whip out a recorder if I think something might be funny so I can blog about it later. I remember the gist and fill in details.

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The Talk

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:25

When you're a parent there are certain responsibilities. You're the one who guides your little bundle of joy through their early years. You mostly lead by example. That is why we lie a lot. Who really is that nicely mannered? But in front of your kids, you have to be. There are also times when you have to sit your kids down and have a heart to heart talk. (More)

Tea, Pee, What's the Difference?

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:19

I was just sitting here, enjoying my lovely mug of tea when some sloshed onto my shirt. I exclaim, "Oh, great! I spilled tea on myself." Which lead to this conversation..

Me: (string of muttered curses)

Mom: "You what?"

Me: "I got tea on myself."

Mom: "Pee? You peed yourself?"

Me: "Tea! I spilled tea on my shirt!"

Mom: "Oooh.. Tea. Tea on yourself. Heh."

Me: "Yes, mom. I've been potty-trained. You were there, remember?"

Things I've Been Chased By..

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:17

My family has a fine tradition of being chased by various animals and I continue to follow in their footsteps. Here is a list of animals that I have been chased by: (More)

Why I Don't Like Geese

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:16

I have a long history of fear and loathing where geese are concerned. For some strange reason, they love to attack me. Even as a baby. My mom had to stop taking me to the park because they'd charge after me, en masse. (More)

100 Things

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:13

I've seen these lists here and there and thought "Why the hell not?" Usually, that thought gets me into lots of trouble, but I think I'm safe here. Let's kick this off...

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That'll show 'em!

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:12

Mom: So I told the boss that I won't be working anymore overtime!

Me: But...you brought work home with you..

Mom: ....yes.

Me: So you're doing the work, but for free. Did you think this out?

The Glasses

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:11

Today, I get a call from the kids' school. The boy has broken his glasses and I need to bring him a spare pair. Luckily, we had a pair to spare. (More)

More Useless Information About Me

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:09

I got this email from my cousin and thought "Wow! Easy blog entry right there!" I know, I'm a lazy ass. It's one of those things you forward to everyone, but I don't because I don't hate people. Here goes: (More)

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part IV

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:08

As I said before, you didn't piss off my grandma. Her Look could kill a man at 50 paces. She was scary, in a warm, cuddly, grandma way. One of the things that you could do to irk grandma was, well, to do something stupid. My cousins and I pissed grandma off often enough. (More)

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part III

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:05

Grandpa's memory wasn't ever very good, even on his best days. Maybe it was all of the kids they had. I don't know. All I knew was this: I've always-- from the day I was born, and probably till the day I die-- hated bananas with a passion. Just one whiff of anything banana scented sends me reeling away, gagging. I hate, hate, hate bananas. And I've always been rather vocal in my dislike. (More)

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part II

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:03

My grandma had bad eyes. We all do. It's a family thing. After many years of seeing her lean way back while holding whatever she was reading far out in front of her, I finally asked her "Grandma, why don't you get new reading glasses?" Grandma quickly, in her terse way, told me "I don't need glasses, these are just fine." to which I replied "Then you need to grow longer arms." only to have her give me The Look and remind me that she still had a wooden spoon and she knew how to use it.

I learned something that day. Don't piss off grandma.

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part I

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:02

Yes, more on my grandparents. Too many memories. Must write. This one is about my grandpa. (More)

Family Curse

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:00

That is to say, we're cursed with our family. No one gets a say in who they're related to. If you're lucky, you don't entirely hate the relatives. I guess I can consider myself lucky. I actually like my family. Well, most of them. (More)

The Farm, Revisited

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:58

Boy, I was a downer before, wasn't I? To lighten things up, I'll tell a story from my youth. Now as I mentioned before, I was a very good girl and a very trusting girl. If an adult told me something, I believed them. I might have taken things a bit too literally-- so that's where the boy gets it-- and a bit too much to heart. (More)

On the Farm

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:57

My mother's parents had a farm up in upstate NY. I always thought it was a nice place to visit, but never could understand why anyone would want to live in the country like that. My mother apparently agreed since she couldn't wait to get away from there. She married as soon as she could and never looked back. Well, except for once or twice a year, for holidays. (More)

Technology for Dummies

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:55

Dear Aunt Jo-

I do not even know you, but I feel as if I do. You've left many messages on my voicemail. I don't know why you think my name sounds like "Sally"-- it's not even remotely close to that-- yet you still leave messages for dear Sally on there. You're an angry woman, Aunt Jo. I guess that's why Sally's mom had your number blocked. Or were you calling another wrong number there, too? (More)

Odd Things I've Said

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:49

Usually to my kids. I'm quite sure the neighbors think we're all quite insane and I'm not too sure that they're wrong. I've found myself shouting odd things to my kids. But then, my kids do very odd and/or stupid things. Actually kids, in general, do very stupid things. It's amazing that any of us survive childhood. But enough of that, some things I've said to my kids... (More)

Boo!

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:42

Thought I'd torture you all with pictures of my cat. I'm preparing to become Scary Old Cat Lady. J says I need more cats to become Scary Old Cat Lady, but I'd like to be able to breathe. And not have a house that smells like a litter box. (More)

Eye See You

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:37

My obsession with eyes knows no bounds.

Easy as ABC

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:37

I saw an interesting meme that I thought I'd try out. You have to list your favorite bands from A to Z. I don't even know if it's possible, but here goes... (More)

Sam the Eyes

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:33

I give you my interpretation of the very strange character thought up by a very strange friend...

All Me, All the Time

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:23

What happens when you have nothing to talk about? Ok, there's always something to talk about, but do I want to talk about it here? Not necessarily. So when I run out of ideas, I randomly flip through blogs and such looking for interesting topics, etc. Found a meme over here that I thought was cute/funny and decided to do it. (More)

Stringing the cat along...

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:03

I'm an awful person. I love teasing my cat. He looks so cute/funny when he's irked. I can't help myself. One day, I'll wake up to find him hovering over me with a diabolical gleam in his eye, I just know it. That's why I keep my bedroom door shut. No opposable thumbs. I like to taunt him about that, too. See? I'm cruel. (More)

Student of the Week!

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:55

I'm going to take a page from my daughter and do a little about me thing. The girl brought home this paper. On it was written Student of the Week! and it tells about how the child has to put a little presentation of sorts together for the class to see. It's put up on a bulletin board the whole week. She was given various questions to answer about herself, I figured I'd do the same. So here goes: (More)

Picky, Picky

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:47

The other day, my father suggested a family trip. He thought we should all go apple picking. It's something we used to do when I was young and he wanted the kids to experience it. I can see the girl getting into it, she's the outdoorsy type (God knows where she got that from); but the boy? Maybe if it were a Gameboy Advance game. He's not into nature, unless it's on a 2" screen. Throw Mario and Luigi into it and you've got his attention for sure. But I was all up for it. I'm into the family thing. Then I remembered, it's too late in the season for apple picking so that idea was nixed. I also remembered the last apple picking trip we went on. (More)

Black Sheep

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:45

I'm still sorta feeling sorry for myself. About the aging thing. I have a sense of humor about it. I can't take my own self-pity too seriously. It's just not done in my family. We don't do self-pity. But since I'm the "overly dramatic" one (read: drama queen) and the "emotional one" (read: still drama queen, but maybe with capitals; i.e., Drama Queen) it's almost expected of me to wallow a wee bit in my self-pity but only if I make it funny for others. (More)

Prom Night

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:40

Or B-Actor Catfight Night

I'm not as lucky as my friends. They meet famous people a lot. Yes, I'm looking at you, J. I always almost meet the famous people. Or I meet people who've met famous people. (More)

Tales From the Pond

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:37

Or Attack of the Leaping Fish.

This story comes from my trip to Russia when I was 16. I was a lucky girl, wasn't I? My father took me, his twin sister, and her son. My mother didn't go because she refuses to set foot on a plane. This was my first plane trip ever. I was very excited. I plan on telling a few Russia stories, so I should give some background. My aunt hated me. Very much. From the day I was born. She taught her son to hate me as well. He'd forget on occasion, and when he did we got along very well. But a lot of the time, he was a brat and we fought. My father and I fought almost constantly when I was a kid. So no one really got along and we were going to another country for 6 weeks. Sound like fun? (More)

Evil Children, Part Deux

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:29

Did I mention that children are contrary? I'm sure I did. My daughter will argue with anyone over anything. Even if she's basically agreeing with you, she doesn't realize this because she's too busy arguing with you. The girl loves to argue. And she's very, very stubborn. To the point where it's ridiculous. But she'll argue that as well. A conversation/argument between us yesterday: (More)

Pea Soup?

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:28

Being of scientific mind, there are some things I've been very curious about. Mostly things that are illogical, such as human behavior. In specific, the behavior of children. As a parent, I'm curious about this because I'd love to find a way to make my children behave. Just a little. I know, it's an impossible task. But one can hope-- as illogical as that is. I have a confession. If you're a parent, you'll I'm sure understand and quite agree: Children are evil. (More)

The Things I Hate About You...

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:26

Dear Psycho-

What can I say, really? Every conversation I have with you makes me realize more and more how glad I am that you're no longer a big part of my life. I'm slowly, oh so slowly, phasing you out. You, of course, do not know this. But you will. (More)

The Meat Man

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:18

The Meat Man or Psychos You Can Meet in Supermarkets

I was about 14 or so. Every summer we'd go to the shore and rent a cottage for a week. We still do our annual trip to the shore, but now it's a different shore and we stay at a motel. We'd run to the local supermarket and pick up supplies for our week-long vacation. (More)

The Stupid Parade

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:16

Picture this:

Going to the bank before we go shopping. In the car: My mother (driving), me, my kids in the back. It was insane. Idiot drivers everywhere. I comment, "It looks like the stupid parade is in town today."

My son pipes up from the back, "Do you think they'll throw candies and toys to the kids?"

Under Construction

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 07:38

Welcome to the new home for Strange Things!

Don't mind the rubble and dust. Things will settle down eventually. Unfortunately, I'm going to be very busy the next week or so, so I don't know just how long it will take to get settled in.

I plan on moving a few of my favorite posts over here from my old blog, but will keep the old blog around just for the hell of it. As for now? I'm going to sleep. I haven't gotten a wink all night.

Congratulations!

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 01:05

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Categories

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The TRUE Story of the Three Little Pigs

Culture Shock

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...

A Stork of Genius

Christina Ricci

Intrigue! Horror!

Yet Another Meme

Guess Who?

Picture-y Goodness

Silent Protest(s)

Huh? Wha?

Despair

Night and Day

Just Ducky!

Desire

Kate Hepburn

Destruction

Delirium

Dream

Smiling Death

Death

Jenny Lewis

Bjork

The Audreys

Vector-y Goodness

Another Meme

Conversations with My Mother

She's a BIG Lady!

Bloody Easter Eggs

Kids and Clothes

Disclaimer

The Talk

Tea, Pee, What's the Difference?

Things I've Been Chased By..

Why I Don't Like Geese

100 Things

That'll show 'em!

The Glasses

More Useless Information About Me

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part IV

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part III

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part II

Reflections, My Grandparents: Part I

Family Curse

The Farm, Revisited

On the Farm

Technology for Dummies

Odd Things I've Said

Boo!

Eye See You

Easy as ABC

Sam the Eyes

All Me, All the Time

Stringing the cat along...

Student of the Week!

Picky, Picky

Black Sheep

Prom Night

Tales From the Pond

Evil Children, Part Deux

Pea Soup?

The Things I Hate About You...

The Meat Man

The Stupid Parade

Under Construction

Congratulations!

about a girl

Peek-a-Boo

status quo